wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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