So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
