its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
