No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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