i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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