So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Someone signed my nipple.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
