She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
