I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
