i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
