she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
