stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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