i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
