hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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