I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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