he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
