and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
