I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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