Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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