a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
