i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
