You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize