I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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