i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
