I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
