and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
