I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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