Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize