I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
