I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
