So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
