Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
