Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
