when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize