Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
