I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
