i think i have two assholes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
