he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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