Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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