does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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