Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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