I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So squirting runs in the family.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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