Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
