Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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