Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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