if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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