she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
