Pappa wants mamma naked
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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