remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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