i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize