I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
