i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
