:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
