I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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