i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
