grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think my nap took me to another dimension
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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