week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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