dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
