Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
