You're my little dorito
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
