My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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