True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
