Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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