He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
