She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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