i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
