i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Im part way to drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
