just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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