I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
